It's OK to fail...

Kids, I'm really good at giving good advice. Friends listen to me, or they ignore me and later tell me they should have listened to me. But I do a pretty lousy job of listening to my own advice.

I recently was trying to convince a friend who has been looking for a job that it's OK to interview for a job that you might get offered, even if it's almost a certainty that you wouldn't take the job if you did get the offer. My rationale being that it's not at all expected that you'll take it, or that the job is a perfect fit, but that shouldn't stop you from finding out more about the job in the process.

Of course, being the philosophical muser that I am, I immediately apply this same line of reasoning to dating, and think it's complete and utter bullshit. Admittedly, the two situations are far from identical, and in the dating world you have a lot more personal feelings to be concerned about. But on the other hand, isn't that what dating is all about?

If you knew the person you were dating was the perfect person, there wouldn't be a point in dating... you could just skip right ahead to the rest of your life and happily ever after, knowing confidently that it would work out forever. Reality of course states that it's never that simple.

I think part of my problem is that I'm scarred from past relationships, and the overwhelmingly common situation of me having to be the heartbreaker rather than the heartbroken. It's so much easier to give up early on, before things get too serious, than later on when stronger feelings are at stake. But as a result, I almost have this innate fear of being put in that situation, so I shy away from relationships that could potentially work out really well.

I still wouldn't date someone knowing it wasn't going to work out... but I need to get over giving up just because I'm unsure... because who isn't?

This is the fun part...

Kids, they say the fun part of dating is that feeling you get when you meet someone new for the first time... the excitement of waiting for the next time you see her... and that constant nagging in the pit of your stomach. Is she really the right person for me? How does she feel about me? Could this possibly work out?

So I met her again today... outside of her day job she's an actress who does community theater, and we went to a play that some of her friends were performing in. It actually was really good, I would have enjoyed it whether she was there or not... but I enjoyed it more with her there, of course. Afterwards we went out to dinner and had a good time chatting about this, that and everything else under the sun.

I think the true test of how you feel about someone requires you to get over that initial excitement and see how your feelings are after that. It's so easy to be like "oh yeah, she's the one!" when you first meet, then you come down off your high and reality sets in and you go "what was I thinking? She's OK, but not all that." Fortunately, I didn't reach that dramatic low. I've definitely lost a little of that high I had after the first date, but that's to be expected, I think. She's still pretty impressive to me. I think things are going well at this point, but it's hard to tell just after two dates.

Of course, history being a good indicator for me, if I reach the third date with someone, there's definitely some quality there. I have almost always given up if I don't find any chemistry at all by the 2nd date, it's just not worth it.

No plans for a third date yet, but we preliminarily had discussed Thursday night. I think she's still interested, but haven't discussed again after today. I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if I didn't see her again, nor that I can decrypt what I just said considering how many negatives were in it. Still hoping something good can come of this. If nothing else, I can say it's at least the most exciting my life's been in several months, and that's worth something.

This is the fun part? It really is, but the funny thing is you never really realize it until after it's over.

What's the Hurry?

Kids, birthdays have never really meant much to me. When I ask why I should care about my birthday, most people tell me "because it's a day to celebrate that you're a year older!" My response is typically "everyday I celebrate that I'm a day older than I was was yesterday, so what's the big deal?" I didn't care about birthdays at all... and then I turned 30.

I definitely wasn't prepared for the shock of turning 30. My birthday itself was actually one of the most memorable ones I've ever had, due mostly to the fact that my friends made a big deal of it and completely bamboozled me by throwing me a surprise party that I had absolutely no clue about. Normally I hate surprises... but this one was actually one that I really needed and appreciated (as long as they never pull a stunt like that again :)).

Turning 30 is one of those milestones... a checkpoint in your lifetime where you can't help but evaluate where you are in your life compared to where you thought you would be. I always figured by the time I turned 30, I'd be well on my way towards living the dream -- owning a house, having a job, getting married, starting a family. I guess what hit me so hard is that I looked at my life, and realized that I'm no closer to finding that woman to spend the rest of my life with than I was when I was 25, and it really scared me.

I try not to spend too much of my time thinking about the future. I try to roll with the punches, and let things happen as they do. Unfortunately, there are some things that don't change much unless you actively make it happen.

But it's not as if my life is ending soon, or I really have an expiration date stamped on my heart. Truth be told, I have a great life. I'm financially stable, have a good job I love, have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and live my life in a positive and happy way. Just because I'm getting older, doesn't mean I need to be in a huge hurry to sort everything out.

But I do need to be aware of things. The only reasonably certainty is that if I don't do anything, nothing will happen. But patience is a virtue I do possess... though it's not always so easy. It's not the destination, it's the journey as well. What's the hurry? Enjoy the ride...